Fruit

It’s actually kind of funny that this was a requirement for this badge because over the last few days, I’ve only been permitted to eat fruits and veggies by doctor’s orders. Blueberries are my favorite food by far.

Morning Pages: 11-29-17

Right now, the idea of study abroad is what’s getting me through. I know that I talk a lot about study abroad, but it really is already a huge part of my life. The process has been slow and difficult and has not been helping at all with the stress of the semester. I am ready for six months in a new place, meeting new people. I’m just excited and ready to start this new adventure.

Morning Pages: 11-27-17

As I grow closer to my excursion abroad, I’ve been reflecting a lot on the things that I will miss when I’m gone. The things that make life worth living even when that’s hard to do. Things like:

My little brother’s laugh.

When my twelve-year-old sister swallows her pride for .2 seconds to tell me that she’s going to miss me.

Finding a new song that makes chills run down my spine because my heart is beating to a foreign rhythm.

The boy whose smile has the same effect on my pulse.

Musicals.

My roommates who constantly berate me for locking my bedroom door and not socializing.

A candle that smells like a bookstore that I light on cold winter evenings.

The sound that the gas fireplace makes when you first turn it on.

The feeling of steel strings biting into my fingertips.

Crunching leaves underneath my shoes.

Finishing a good book for the first time.

Making a student laugh. Hearing that same student call you “Miss Jacks.”

Hugging my family for the first time in a year. And the last time for eight months.

 

Some Thoughts:

As I sit here at my laptop on one of the last days of break, I can’t help but ask myself why I dread going back to university as much as I do. For me, I think the fear stems from an overwhelming amount of work that I’m afraid I’ll never finish, the apprehension I feel toward the 200 papers that I will have to alphabetize when I get back, and knowing that this will be my last week with my awesome kids at Boltz. Amidst all of this, I also have been asking myself what my students may fear when they come back. Do they fear the idea of being vulnerable in a place where everyone else feels comfortable in their own skin? Are they afraid of someone calling them out for their sexual orientation? Gender? Mental health? Race? Religion? Anything in-between?

I remember being in school and feeling totally and completely out of control. My family was going through tough times from my time in seventh grade up until only about this year and school was just another thing that I never could get a grip on. I had waves of time where I would excel in all of my classes, but we know that every wave has a crest and soon crashes on the shoreline. There were weeks where I chose not to turn in assignments. I would be so anxious that I would stay home in bed, or end up in the hospital and not go to class for days on end. Missing this many classes, I would overwhelm myself with the sheer amount of work I had to catch up on, and I would make myself sick again. It was a toxic cycle that was going nowhere but down.

Until I got to my freshman year English class.

A class where a woman showed my what it felt like to be smart. What it felt like to be proud of yourself. What it felt like to love learning and asking “stupid” questions. What it felt like to finally be special and important and valued. She was an ally when I truly needed one. Mrs. Feiran is the kind of ally I want to be. She reached out to a student who was obviously struggling to keep her head above water.

I am still debating on what kind of ally she truly was. An ally as a woman? An ally for a student struggling with home life? She was an ally to me and many other students for different reasons. I want to reach out to students as an ally for whatever it is that makes them feel like an outsider. We live in a world where too many young people feel that they feel like they can only sit on the sidelines and watch the world go by. I had a friend who once told me that there are two kinds of people: the ones who make things happen, and those who were born purely to help them get there. No one should ever feel like a stepping stone, especially in their learning. That is the mentality that I want to rid children of. And honestly, I am beginning to feel like this demographic is made up of mostly women. I’ll keep you all posted as a I work toward a decision. There are many questions I need to keep asking myself as I progress toward my Teacher as Ally badge.

Three Grattitudes

The smell of new books, when the sky turns into fire at dawn or dusk, the way my little brother’s face lights up every time I come home.

Is there really more that needs to be said?

Water

I’m a total klutz, so I try to avoid glasses if I can. Hopefully this bottle of water will suffice! Water is awesome, but whenever I am told to think of water, I can’t help but think of this quote from The Office: “There is a small part of me that is actually very excited about this new company. But 70 percent of me is water, and the other part, the real part, the part that has feelings and emotions and thoughts and makes decisions and, if I can be crass, makes babies, that part thinks that all of these changes suck,” (Michael Scott).

Foolish

This was taken right after my friend told me to spin around so that he could take a Boomerang of me. I felt totally ridiculous, but also completely and utterly wonderful.

Music

Fun fact: I used to be a total musical theater nerd up until I got to college. Music has been a huge part of my life since I was five and I am just now beginning to reconnect with this part of myself. I lost some of the things that make me smile and that make me who I am once I got consumed with the stress of school and figuring out what I want from life. Now that I’m getting ready to be completely on my own for several months, I’ve been making a conscious effort to reach out to those I love and to embrace the parts of me that I neglected for way too long.

Little Book

Because I’m a poor college student, I didn’t make this eight-dollar investment, but I sat down and flipped through every page of this book and proceeded to add it to my Christmas list. It’s full of positive sayings and affirmations.

Take a Breath

While I took a moment to look at the sky, I found this lovely positive affirmation. I kept it running through my head while I took some deep breaths. As I felt the air fill and drain from my lungs, I couldn’t help but be thankful for the fact that I was there in that moment: simply breathing.